Hanging my head in shame

I think I just saw the picture that changed my life. I have never seen myself in this light before, and I am humiliated that it is online (a friend posted it in her blog). It is just a picture of me, sitting at the bar with a few friends....nothing special about it. Except that I had an enlightening moment when I saw it. I look so big. I mean REALLY big....I look fat. I mean, I know I am fat....But I think I often have an altered self image because, frankly, I had no idea I looked like this. It is not just a bad angle. I look really, really fat. Today I went shopping, and I have gone up 2 pant sizes in the past couple of months. I avoided the pool at ALL costs this summer. I can't do this anymore. I read my posts from so long ago and think, wow...I could be so far in my weight loss if I would have actually done something when I said I was going to. I hate this. I absolutely hate this.